IFS therapy is one of the most effective and least understood approaches in modern psychology. If you have ever felt like part of you wants to change and another part keeps pulling you back, IFS therapy is built for exactly that experience.
I am Talí Uribe, a bilingual psychologist with practices in Valencia and Madrid. I completed my IFS Level 1 certification through the IFS Institute in December 2025, after over 20 years of clinical practice. In that time I have worked with hundreds of people who arrived feeling stuck, exhausted, and quietly convinced that the problem was them. What I want you to understand from this post is that it almost never is.
The War Inside Your Head
You know what you should do. You have known for a while. And yet something keeps pulling you back.
Maybe you keep returning to a relationship that doesn’t serve you. Maybe you start making progress and then undermine it. Maybe you can’t seem to stop saying yes when every part of you wants to say no. Maybe you feel anxious all the time for no clear reason, or numb when you know you should feel something.
In my first sessions with clients I hear this pattern constantly. They arrive carrying deep frustration. They feel stuck in cycles they have tried, often repeatedly, to change. There is usually a layer of exhaustion underneath it too, because many have already tried other approaches. Therapy, self-help, productivity systems. And then a quieter, more painful thought: maybe the problem is me.
It is not. What looks like self-sabotage, emotional shutdown, anxiety that won’t shift, or a voice that won’t stop criticising you is almost always something else. It is a part of you doing its job. And IFS therapy is the approach that helps you understand what that job is, and why it matters.
What Is IFS Therapy?
IFS therapy, or Internal Family Systems therapy, was developed by Dr. Richard Schwartz in the 1980s. It is now one of the most evidence-based approaches in psychotherapy, listed by SAMHSA as an evidence-based practice for trauma treatment.
The core idea is that the mind is not one unified thing. It is a system of parts, each with its own perspective, feelings, memories, and goals. Some of these parts are trying to protect you. Others are carrying pain from earlier experiences. And beneath all of them is what IFS calls the Self: a stable, curious, compassionate core that is always present, even when it feels buried.
In plain terms: IFS therapy views your mind as made up of different parts, like the anxious part, the critical part, or the part that shuts down emotionally. Each part developed to protect you. IFS helps you understand these parts with curiosity instead of judgment, so they can let go of extreme roles and you can feel more whole.
This is different from most therapeutic approaches. Rather than treating symptoms or trying to change behaviour directly, IFS works with the internal system that is producing those symptoms. When the parts feel understood and safe, the symptoms often resolve on their own.
Why Self-Sabotage Is Not What You Think It Is
One of the biggest misconceptions I encounter is the belief that the self-sabotaging part needs to be eliminated. People feel at war within themselves, with one part pushing forward and wanting growth, while another resists, procrastinates, or shuts things down.
The instinct is to fight or suppress that resistant part. But in IFS, we understand that these parts are not the enemy. They are protectors, trying to help in the only way they know how, often based on past experiences where change, vulnerability, or risk felt unsafe.
The real issue is not the presence of self-sabotage. It is the lack of understanding of it. When we try to get rid of these parts, they tend to become stronger and more extreme. When we approach them with curiosity and compassion, we begin to understand what they are protecting us from. From there, integration becomes possible. Instead of working against ourselves, we begin to work with all parts of our system, creating alignment rather than internal conflict.
Self-sabotage usually is not a lack of willpower. It is a sign that different parts of you have conflicting goals. One part wants change while another, often developed in childhood, tries to protect you from the risks of change. IFS therapy helps you understand and work with these conflicting parts, so change can happen without an internal war.
The Six Patterns IFS Works With Most Effectively
Based on the keyword clusters that bring people to IFS therapy, and what I see most frequently in practice, these are the six experiences where IFS tends to produce the most meaningful change.
Feeling stuck and self-sabotaging. You know what you need to do but cannot make yourself do it. You destroy good things. You feel pulled in two directions and exhausted by it. The stuck feeling is not character. It is a protective part doing its job too rigidly.
Anxiety with no clear cause. You are anxious all the time, even when things are fine. Constant worry that something bad will happen. Anxiety about anxiety. In IFS terms, this is usually a protective part working overtime, scanning for threats based on old information. Understanding what it is protecting changes the relationship with it.
People-pleasing and difficulty with boundaries. You cannot say no without feeling guilty. You feel responsible for other people’s emotions. You are always putting others first and losing yourself in the process. The people-pleasing part learned early that safety came from keeping everyone happy. IFS helps it learn that you can be safe even when others are disappointed.
Emotional numbness and disconnection. You feel like you are going through the motions. You cannot feel emotions anymore, or you know you should feel something but do not. In IFS this is often a sign that vulnerable parts have been locked away because they carried too much pain. The work involves reaching them safely, at a pace that feels manageable.
Emotional numbness and disconnection. You feel like you are going through the motions. You cannot feel emotions anymore, or you know you should feel something but do not. In IFS this is often a sign that vulnerable parts have been locked away because they carried too much pain. The work involves reaching them safely, at a pace that feels manageable.
Trauma responses and triggers. You keep getting triggered and do not know why. You overreact to small things. Past experiences are bleeding into the present. IFS works with the parts that are carrying old pain, rather than just managing the symptoms they produce.
The harsh inner critic. There is a voice in your head that says you are not good enough. You cannot stop beating yourself up. In IFS, the inner critic is a part, not a truth. It is usually trying to protect you from failure or rejection by pushing you hard. When you approach it with curiosity rather than frustration, it can relax, and genuine self-compassion becomes possible.
What Actually Happens in an IFS Session
This is the question I am asked most often, and it deserves a clear answer.
We begin with a grounding exercise to help you become present and connected to yourself. From that place, we start identifying and mapping the parts that are currently active, a process known as parts mapping.
My role as a therapist is to gently guide and support you in relating to these parts with curiosity rather than judgment. This is often a new experience: learning to turn inward in a compassionate way and beginning to build a relationship with your internal system.
As the process unfolds, protective parts tend to emerge first. These are the parts that manage, control, avoid, or react in order to keep the system safe. Gradually, and at a pace that feels safe, we begin to access more vulnerable parts, which often carry emotional wounds from earlier life experiences.
A key aspect of the work is helping you access what IFS calls the Self. This is the core of who you are, characterised by what IFS describes as the eight Cs: calmness, curiosity, compassion, clarity, confidence, courage, creativity, and connectedness. From this place, you can witness and support your parts in a healing way.
Sessions tend to be deeply experiential. You are not just talking about your experiences. You are connecting with them in real time. My role is to hold a safe, non-judgmental space while you do this inner work. It is a process that often leads to meaningful insight, emotional release, and a growing sense of internal harmony.
IFS Therapy and the Expat Experience
There is something particular about working with IFS in an expat context that I want to name directly, because it shapes how I approach this work.
Moving to a new country does not automatically resolve internal struggles. In many cases, those struggles travel with you and can even intensify in a new environment. You can feel excited and fulfilled while also feeling lost, vulnerable, or disconnected. These are not contradictions. They are parts of you responding to the same experience differently.
There is also something very particular about the expat experience that is easy to miss without lived knowledge of it. While you are growing immensely, personally, psychologically, and sometimes professionally, you may simultaneously feel uprooted. There can be a loss of familiar support systems, cultural grounding, and identity anchors.
Understanding this paradox is key. It allows me to normalise your experience and support you in navigating both the expansion and the discomfort that come with it. This kind of attunement comes not just from training, but from having personally lived through similar transitions across Colombia, Germany, and Spain.
For expats specifically, IFS works well because it does not require you to have a clear narrative about what is wrong. You do not need to have processed your experience into a tidy story. You can come in feeling generally off, vaguely stuck, or pulled in directions you cannot quite name. The parts know where to go.
IFS and Logotherapy: The Combination I Use
In my practice I combine IFS with logotherapy, an approach developed by Viktor Frankl that focuses on meaning and purpose. These two approaches work well together because they address different dimensions of the same experience.
IFS helps you understand and heal the protective parts of your inner system. Logotherapy helps you rebuild meaning and purpose once those parts are no longer running the show. Together, they address both the emotional patterns and the existential questions that arise when life feels stuck or hollow.
This combination is particularly effective for expats navigating identity loss, for people recovering from burnout, and for anyone who has arrived at a point in life where external changes have created internal confusion.
Working With Me: What to Expect
If you are considering IFS therapy and wondering whether it might be right for you, here is what I can tell you from practice.
It is not a quick fix. It is a real process that requires your presence and willingness to turn inward. Most clients begin to notice meaningful shifts within the first few sessions, not because the work is fast but because it is targeted. You are not working around the system. You are working with it.
I offer sessions in English and Spanish, or in both within the same session. I see clients in person in Valencia and Madrid, and online from anywhere in Spain or internationally. If you are an expat navigating inner conflict, emotional flatness, anxiety, or a sense of being stuck in patterns you cannot seem to break, I would be glad to hear from you.
You can reach me through my contact page.
Frequently Asked Questions
IFS, or Internal Family Systems therapy, views your mind as made up of different parts, like the anxious part, the critical part, or the part that shuts down emotionally. Each part developed to protect you in some way. IFS helps you understand these parts with curiosity instead of judgment, so they can let go of extreme roles and you can access a calmer, more grounded version of yourself.
Self-sabotage is usually caused by an internal conflict between different parts of you. One part wants change while another, often formed earlier in life, tries to protect you from the risks that come with change. IFS therapy helps you understand and work with these conflicting parts so that real change can happen without the internal war.
CBT works primarily with thoughts and behaviours, helping you identify and challenge unhelpful patterns. IFS works with the internal system that produces those patterns. Rather than changing what you think, IFS changes your relationship with the parts of you that are driving the thoughts and behaviours. Many people find IFS more effective for deep-rooted patterns that CBT has not fully resolved.
It varies depending on the person and what they are working with. Some clients notice meaningful shifts within a handful of sessions. Others work over months on deeper layers of their system. IFS is not a fixed-length protocol. It moves at the pace that feels safe and productive for you.
Yes. IFS approaches anxiety not as a disorder to be managed but as a protective part that is working overtime. By understanding what the anxious part is trying to protect, and helping it trust that you can handle things from a more grounded place, the anxiety often decreases significantly. This is different from symptom management. It addresses the root.
Author bio: Talí Uribe is a bilingual psychologist (EN/ES) with practices in Valencia and Madrid. She holds IFS Level 1 certification (IFS Institute, 2025) and a diploma in Logotherapy and Existential Analysis (Viktor Frankl Institute, 2022). She has over 20 years of clinical experience working with expats, professionals, and individuals navigating major life transitions.
Health disclaimer: This article is for informational purposes only and does not constitute clinical advice. If you are in crisis or need immediate support, please contact the Spanish mental health crisis line on 024, the emotional support line on 717 003 717, or emergency services on 112.