IFS therapy – Internal Family Systems – is a evidence-based psychotherapy developed by Richard Schwartz that understands the mind as made up of distinct “parts,” each with its own perspective, emotions, and protective role.
Rather than pathologising inner conflict, IFS works with it: the anxious part, the inner critic, the part that shuts down, the part that can’t stop working, each developed for a reason, and each capable of change when approached with curiosity rather than judgment. At the core of the model is the Self – a stable, compassionate centre that every person carries, regardless of their history. IFS therapy helps you access that Self and use it to heal the parts carrying old wounds, extreme beliefs, and protective burdens.
As an IFS Level 1 certified therapist trained through the IFS Institute, I offer IFS therapy in English and Spanish, in person in Valencia and Madrid, and online across Spain and internationally.
The War Inside Your Head
If you’re exploring IFS therapy, you probably know this feeling well: you know what you should do. You’ve known for a while.
And yet something stops you. You stay in the job that drains you. You go back to the relationship that hurts you. You freeze when you need to speak up. You make the same decision you promised yourself you wouldn’t make again.
This isn’t weakness. It isn’t lack of discipline. It isn’t a character flaw you need to overcome by trying harder.
It’s what happens when different parts of you want different things.
One part of you genuinely wants change. Another part is terrified of what change might cost. And that second part has learned, through long experience, that its job is to keep you safe, even if “safe” means staying stuck.
IFS therapy is built on exactly this recognition. The conflicts you feel aren’t signs that something is broken. They’re signs that your inner world is doing precisely what it was designed to do.
Self-sabotage usually isn’t a lack of willpower. It’s a sign that different parts of you have conflicting goals. One part wants change while another part is trying to protect you from risk or pain. IFS therapy helps you understand these inner conflicts and work with each part, rather than fighting against yourself, so real change can happen.
What Is IFS Therapy And Why Does It Work When Other Approaches Haven’t?
IFS stands for Internal Family Systems. It’s an evidence-based approach developed by Dr. Richard Schwartz that starts from a simple but radical premise: your mind is made up of multiple parts, and every one of them developed for a reason.
There is the anxious part that scans constantly for danger. The critical part that pushes you to do better before anyone else can criticise you first. The people-pleasing part that learned early that keeping others happy was the safest way to move through the world. The part that shuts down emotionally when things get too intense. And underneath all of them, the parts that carry old pain, hurt, shame, grief, that got locked away because there was nowhere safe to put them.
Most therapy tries to manage, reduce, or eliminate these parts. IFS does something different: it helps you get curious about them. What are they protecting? What do they believe will happen if they let their guard down? What did they originally experience that made them take on these roles?
When parts feel genuinely understood rather than fought against, they can begin to soften. And when they soften, something else becomes available: a calmer, clearer part of you that IFS calls the Self. Not a future version of you. Not someone you have to become. Something that’s already there, underneath the noise.
I completed my IFS Level 1 certification through the IFS Institute in December 2025. It is the approach that has most changed how I listen in sessions, and how I understand what people are carrying.
IFS (Internal Family Systems) therapy views your mind as made up of different parts, like the anxious part, the critical part, or the part that shuts down emotionally. Each part developed to protect you. IFS helps you understand these parts with curiosity instead of judgment, so they can let go of extreme roles and you can feel more whole.
Anxiety That Won’t Let You Rest
You’re not in danger. You know you’re not in danger. And yet your body hasn’t received that message.
The anxiety is there in the morning before you’ve done anything wrong. It’s there in conversations, monitoring for signs that someone is disappointed in you. It’s there at 3am, rehearsing scenarios that haven’t happened. It doesn’t respond to logic, because it isn’t coming from the logical part of you.
In IFS, anxiety isn’t a disorder to eliminate. It’s a protective part working overtime. It developed because, at some point, staying hypervigilant felt like the only way to stay safe. It learned to anticipate every possible threat so that nothing could catch you off guard.
The question IFS asks isn’t “how do we make the anxiety go away?” It’s “what is this part trying to protect, and does it know that things are different now?”
When the anxious part feels heard rather than suppressed, it often doesn’t need to work as hard. That’s when genuine calm becomes possible, not because you’ve pushed the anxiety down, but because it has finally felt understood.
The Part of You That Can’t Say No
You say yes when you mean no. You apologise for things that aren’t your fault. You monitor other people’s moods before you’ve even thought about your own. And afterwards, you feel resentful, exhausted, and vaguely ashamed of yourself for doing it again.
People-pleasing isn’t a personality type. It’s a survival strategy.
The part of you that can’t say no learned something early: that safety came from making sure the people around you were satisfied. That conflict was dangerous. That your own needs could wait, because the consequences of asserting them weren’t worth the risk.
That part has been working hard ever since. It’s not the problem. It’s been trying to protect you.
IFS therapy works with this part directly. Not to eliminate it, but to understand what it’s been carrying and to help it trust that you can handle disappointment, conflict, and other people’s discomfort without things falling apart. When that part relaxes, you get to choose how to respond, rather than reacting automatically.
When You Can’t Feel Anything
You know, intellectually, that you should feel something. Grief, maybe. Or joy. Or connection. But when you reach for the feeling, it isn’t there. Just a flatness, a going-through-the-motions quality that you can’t explain and can’t seem to shift.
This isn’t coldness. It isn’t dysfunction. It’s protection.
IFS describes emotional numbness as the work of parts called firefighters or exiles. When feelings became too overwhelming or too unsafe, parts of you stepped in to contain them. The numbness isn’t the problem: it’s the solution another part of you found to an unbearable problem.
The difficulty is that the same protection that kept painful feelings at bay also keeps everything else out: warmth, pleasure, genuine connection, the sense of being alive to your own experience.
In IFS therapy, we approach the numbness with curiosity rather than frustration. We get to know the parts that are keeping things locked down, understand what they’re afraid will happen if they let go, and work toward a point where feeling safe again becomes possible.
Old Wounds That Still Sting
Something small happens, and your reaction is completely out of proportion. You know it, even as it’s happening. You snap at someone who didn’t deserve it. You freeze in a situation that shouldn’t be threatening. You feel a wave of shame or fear that has nothing to do with what’s in front of you.
These aren’t overreactions. They’re responses from parts of you that are still living in an older story.
In IFS, we call these parts that carry the burdens of past experience. They hold the memories, the beliefs, and the feelings from difficult moments that were never fully processed, and they respond to present-day triggers as if the past were still happening.
The goal of IFS isn’t to excavate trauma for its own sake. It’s to help the parts carrying old wounds feel safe enough to be witnessed, and to release the burdens they’ve been holding. When a part can put down what it’s been carrying, the triggers lose their grip. You get to respond to what’s actually in front of you.
The Voice That Says You’re Not Good Enough
You know the voice. The one that says your work isn’t good enough before you’ve finished it. The one that replays every mistake. The one that compares you unfavourably to everyone else and finds you lacking. The one that pushes you harder and harder and is never satisfied.
In IFS, this is the inner critic: a part that developed to protect you, often long before you had the words for it.
The critic learned that if it could find your flaws before anyone else did, it could minimise the damage. If it pushed you hard enough, maybe you wouldn’t fail. If it kept you small enough, maybe no one would have reason to reject you.
It isn’t the enemy. It’s exhausted, and it’s been doing a job it was never meant to do alone.
IFS therapy works with the inner critic not by silencing it, but by getting curious about it. What is it afraid of? What happened that made it believe such harsh vigilance was necessary? When the critic feels understood, it often discovers it doesn’t need to work so hard. That’s when self-compassion stops being a concept and starts being something you can actually feel.
Negative self-talk often comes from a protective part of you that learned to push you hard to avoid failure or rejection. Rather than fighting this inner voice, IFS therapy helps you understand what it’s protecting, so it can relax. When you relate to your inner critic with curiosity instead of frustration, genuine self-compassion becomes possible.
Working with Talí Uribe – What IFS Sessions Look Like
The first session lasts about 60 minutes. It’s a space where you can share what brings you to therapy and ask any questions about how I work. Starting therapy can bring doubts or fears, so I focus on creating a sense of safety and trust from the beginning. I listen carefully to what is happening in your life and what feels most difficult right now.
By the end of that first conversation, the goal is simply to have a clearer sense of whether this feels like the right therapeutic space to begin working together.
Sessions are conducted in English or Spanish, depending on what feels most natural to you. Available in person in Valencia and Madrid, and online for clients anywhere in Spain and beyond.
If you’re ready to explore whether IFS therapy might be the right fit, I’d welcome the conversation.
Get in touch ->
Written by Talí Uribe – Psychologist (Universidad de los Andes, 1999), IFS Level 1 Certified (IFS Institute, 2025) and Diploma in Logotherapy and Existential Analysis (Viktor Frankl Institute, 2022). 20+ years of clinical experience in Valencia, Madrid and online.